Winning Your Boyfriend Back

Accelerating Reconciliation - How To Win Him Back Fast

If you think you can fix your breakup overnight, you'd better think again. You and your ex both need some time apart, and this is actually a good thing. Healing takes time, and so does reflection. But even so, there are things you can do to speed up the process of getting your boyfriend to want you back.

Your relationship, as you knew it, is now over. Try to both understand and accept this. Don't gloss over or sugar-coat this fact; it's important that you embrace it as quickly as possible. If you're hanging onto the idea that you can somehow talk your boyfriend out of the break up, you're only postponing the inevitable. And while you're at it, you're also delaying the process of winning him back.

So yes, your romance is at an end. No, you don't have to like it. But you do have to accept it if you want to move forward, because denial will only slow you down.

One of the worst possible scenarios involves being hooked on the idea that you can still fix a broken (and ended) relationship. Any ex boyfriend who sees you doing this will immediately see you as desperate. Once your ex realizes how much you want him back, he becomes comfortable in the fact that he's doing the right thing. The idea of the break up becomes a lot stronger in his mind.

Aligning Yourself With Your Boyfriend's Own Interests

Accepting your break up is one thing. Agreeing with it? That's quite another. By swinging the pendulum in this direction, you're actually agreeing with your boyfriend's ideas. In a way, this puts you on his side. Instead of fighting to keep the break up from happening, you're nodding your head and agreeing with him that it's a good idea... and then ultimately waving goodbye.

When you don't fight your man on his decision to end things, he has nothing to argue with you about. You make a cleaner break, and there's a lot less harsh feelings. This makes it a lot easier to get your boyfriend back later on, after he's had the chance to miss you. It also puts a positive and mature spin on things, when it comes to your overall attitude.

And if your breakup already happened? That's fine too. It's never too late to begin accepting your new single life, by making sure your ex knows how you feel.

Should You Be Friends With Your Ex Boyfriend?

Not if you want him back.

Nothing will slow down the process of getting back together worse than staying friends with your ex after the breakup. The bonds you think you're forming won't bring you any closer together, and in fact will push you further apart. As you gradually fall into the role of platonic friend, there's very little chance of getting your boyfriend to see you romantically again. From there, things only get worse.

Imagine watching your boyfriend start dating another girl... while you sit back and watch. Now imagine having to be 'happy' for him, because you're his friend. Picture him kissing her, holding her hand, and taking her to all the places he used to take you. Now try to envision him calling you the next day to talk to you about it, and get your opinion on where things are going.

Think you can be friends with him? Of course not. When you're still in love with someone, you can't pretend that love is not there. Sitting back in a passive, friendship-type role will only lead to fierce jealousy, bitterness, and eventual anger. You'll end up hating your ex boyfriend instead of loving him.

Biggest Misconceptions About Staying Friends With Your Ex

When a guy says "let's be friends", it's very easy to make the mistake of agreeing with it. This is for a pretty common reason: you don't want to lose your boyfriend completely. You reason that by remaining friends, you can still keep in contact with him. You can call your ex, see him, talk to him, and maybe even hang out. In time, he'll suddenly realize he loves you and your relationship will naturally start up again. It's all part of a simple, easy plan.

The reality of that situation however, is that it never works. Your ex isn't any more likely to go back out with you if you're his friend. In fact, he's probably less likely. After all, he has everything he had while the two of you were dating, plus the freedom of not having to answer to you. In many cases, even the sex is included. Being friends with your ex boyfriend often leads to a "friends with benefits" type situation, especially if you're still in love with him and looking to win him back. This leads to false hope, and if you're not careful with how you handle things you could end up feeling used by him.

The truth however, is that you're to blame. If you've agreed to stay friendly and hang out with your ex boyfriend even after he dumps you, don't expect him to be honest about his intentions. He's already let you know you're not good enough to date, but somehow you're still good enough to be in his company. By settling for such a demotion, you're letting him know you're okay with it.

What To Do When Your Ex Boyfriend Wants To Be Friends

The solution to this dilemma is actually pretty easy: you tell him no. Thanks but no thanks. Let him know you love him too much to hang around as his platonic buddy, and that you can't just sit back and pretend not to care. Love is love, and either he feels it or he doesn't. Wish him the best, and walk away.

If you can do this, once again your boyfriend will be stunned. This is not what he wants. Your boyfriend expected to break up with you in small baby steps, little by little, being able to still see and talk to you while he decided if there wasn't someone better out there for him. Instead, by walking away you just tore the bandage off all at once. You created a situation where your boyfriend suddenly stands to lose you. And by doing this, you're forcing him to make a very hard choice: get back together with you, or risk losing you completely - friendship and all.

In many cases, this will make your boyfriend realize how much he still loves you. Not wanting to lose you to someone else, he might offer to work on the relationship again. When you call their bluff, most guys will fold their hand. We're not as tough as we act, and we're not as hard as you think we are. If there's true love behind our feelings for you? We're always going to choose to go with them... as long as you don't let us do otherwise.

Ignoring Your Ex Boyfriend's Attempts at Contact

It's every dumped girl's fantasy: the ex boyfriend phone call. It's that one shining moment where your ex realizes he still loves you and can't hold back any longer... the first step in the process of bringing him back. Watching his number show up on your caller ID after having held out without calling him is like sweet, glorious victory.

But is this it? Is the break up over? What exactly does it mean when your ex boyfriend calls you?

In some cases, it might not mean anything at all. For this reason, you can't jump the gun or get too excited to see that your ex is trying to contact you. He could be feeling you out, trying to gauge your position, or even just asking for his "stuff" back. Your boyfriend might be calling just to see where you stand, and then use that knowledge to determine how much longer he wants to stay broken up with you. Although selfish, these are all common reasons an exboyfriend will dial you up.

In the first few days and even weeks after breaking up, it's always best to ignore any contact initiated by your ex. I know, I know... you're dying to answer that phone. You want to know what he wants, and whether or not it involves taking you back. You might also want to give him some positive encouragement, letting him know that you still have feelings for him. So when that phone rings, you'll come up with a million reasons why you should pick it up.

Still, there's one very good reason why you shouldn't take his call... and that reason involves control. Right now you've done a good job of keeping your emotions in check. You've done right by not calling your ex, and you've made sure not to give him any indication as to how you feel about him. But you know what? The second you pick up that phone? He'll KNOW.

By not answering and letting it go to voicemail? You're seizing back power over the future of your relationship. You're letting your ex realize that you're not at his beck and call. Not only are you not answering the phone, but maybe you're not even home. Maybe you're out with friends, having the time of your life. Maybe you're even out with another guy. Who knows? He sure doesn't, which is why he'll be even more curious and eager to talk to you when you don't return his call or message.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not advocating playing phone games here. But when your ex starts calling you for those first few times? NOT answering the phone will always speed up the process of winning him back. It creates a sense of urgency and need on his end - something that won't be there if you're available for him.

Seriously consider staying the course and steering clear of any type of exboyfriend contact for a while. And when you're ready to finally talk to him again? Make sure you learn all about proper reconnection techniques. How you handle yourself during first contact with your ex is a critical part of getting back together again.

Your next step... recognizing the Signs That Your Ex Boyfriend Still Loves You.