Getting Your Boyfriend Back If He Caught You Cheating

Cheating is the worst-case scenario for any relationship. When you get caught cheating on your boyfriend, chances are pretty good he'll break up with you. Winning him back after being unfaithful is always an uphill battle.

Cheated on Boyfriend

Understand that getting your boyfriend to want you back is a lot harder once you've been with someone else. He needs to not only forgive you for cheating, but also move forward with some level of confidence that it won't happen again. You need to be sorry for your indiscretion, and you need to be reassuring about the future. Because if you want to continue a long term relationship with this guy, you'll need him to wipe the slate clean.

Although a relationship can recover from infidelity, the process of getting back together takes a few extra steps. You'll need both time and patience, and you may even need a bit of luck. Below you'll find guidelines that will help you earn your boyfriend's forgiveness, and hopefully put you on track for reconciliation.

Don't Beg Him For Forgiveness... Yet

The first thing that happens after you're caught cheating is always the same: your boyfriend is going to rage. He'll be mad at you, mad at the guy you slept with, and even mad at himself for being played for a fool. During this time, you're going to see your boyfriend more angry than ever before. So what can you do about it?


Right now your best course of action is total silence. Your boyfriend has the right to be angry, and you need to allow him that anger. Let him rage, cry, scream - let him do anything short of getting physical with you. If you love your man and want to keep him, he needs to vent this anger out of himself as quickly and vehemently as possible.

Begging or pleading for his forgiveness right now is not a good move. Your boyfriend probably doesn't want to hear from you, and will take anything you say as an excuse. Your silence speaks a lot more about how sorry you are than words ever could. And by not saying anything? You're safe from saying the wrong thing, which would make the situation much worse.

Apologize For Cheating... And Make It Sincere

When your boyfriend has vented most of his anger, it's time to step forward with your apology. You'll want to make this quick, clean, and totally genuine. Your apology shouldn't contain a "but" or "because" in it. It shouldn't try to explain why you cheated. It shouldn't go into details about what you did, who it was with, or anything like that. It should be clean, easy, and over very quickly.

"I'm so, so sorry for what I did. It was wrong, and I knew it.
It was a huge mistake, and it's something that should never have happened
because I love you. And it will never, ever happen again."

The above type of apology is perfect because it makes no excuses. It doesn't put the blame on anyone but yourself, so it's not something your boyfriend can even argue. You didn't add anything extra, such as "I never meant to hurt you", which could be something he'd go back at you for. By keeping it as clean and sincere as possible, your boyfriend realizes that you knowingly accept what you did was wrong.

Your boyfriend is likely to break up with you by now, if he hasn't already. He may even scoff at you saying how it "won't ever happen again". While it may seem presumptious for you to say this, it's a necessary part of the apology. As angry as he is right now, later on down the line your ex boyfriend will begin weighing the possibility of taking you back. He'll replay your apology over and over in his head, and he needs to know you'll never do this again. In his heart, he'll want to believe it.

Walk Away Before Things Get Too Ugly

The next move you need to make is one that most women who cheated refuse to do: walk away. Leaving your boyfriend alone and giving him space right now is the best way to get him over the cheating quickly. The longer you stand around trying to explain yourself, the more likely you'll become his verbal and emotional punching bag. That's not good for you, him, or the future of your relationship.

Left by himself, your ex's anger will eventually subside. Without you there, he'll start processing his thoughts instead of continuing to be pissed. He'll start envisioning a life without you. At first he'll be tough and rationalize doing it, but in time he'll actually start missing you. Despite the fact that you cheated on your boyfriend, losing you is going to leave a big hole in his life.

The good news right now is this: your ex didn't break up with you because he was unhappy with the relationship. He dumped you for cheating, and that's a whole different ballgame. The feelings of love and closeness he's always had for you are still there... right now he's trying to bottle them up and get rid of them because he's angry. When he's done being angry? Those feelings will pop right back out.

If your boyfriend is extraordinarily angry, there are actually ways to minimize his basic need to punish you for cheating. Those methods can be found here.

Leaving Him Alone - Breaking Contact After The Cheating

Many women who've cheated on a boyfriend will feel the need to keep close contact with him. They'll keep apologizing, keep crying, and keep on top of him thinking he'll relent and take them back. These women don't understand that the more you stay in touch with your ex right now, the less likely he's going to be to reverse the break up. Because he knows you're begging for forgiveness, he's going to extend 'punishing' you for as long as possible.

No Contact Ex Boyfriend

What you actually need to do here is disappear. Sounds cold, doesn't it? I mean after all, you cheated on this guy, made a ten-second apology, and then walked away. Surely he's going to think you're out cheating on him again, seeing someone else, or even moving on with your life... right?

Well that's exactly right. Your ex boyfriend is going to wonder where you are. He'll wonder what happened to you, and how come you don't even care enough to chase after him and offer a second or third apology. To him, obviously you're over the relationship. Maybe you've decided to stay with the person you cheated on him with, or maybe you were so sick of the relationship you didn't want to fight for it.

Guess what? These things are going to scare the hell out of your boyfriend right now. By not chasing him, you're creating an environment where he has to chase you. Suddenly, instead of your ex rejecting you, you've been rejecting him. He has to actually worry about losing you for good, despite the fact that he dumped you.

This will do accomplish two things. One, it will make your boyfriend begin to realize what he stands to lose by letting you go. He'll start weighing the pros against the cons, and the good against the bad. He'll try to convince himself that your affair was something that you're very sorry for, and that it won't happen again. In order to take you back, he has to rationalize these things in his mind.

The second thing this does is set the stage for your ex to contact you. He's going to call you soon, if he hasn't already, and he might even feign some more anger. He'll demand to know what you did what you did, who you did it with, how often it happened, and all sorts of other gorey details. Once your boyfriend starts probing the depth of your cheating, it's a good sign that he wants to take you back. He's looking to straighten everything out in his head so he can justify getting back together again.

Sparing Your Boyfriend The Details Of Your Affair

When he comes knocking or calling, you'll need to own up to what you did. Don't lie about it... but don't offer too much information either. Your boyfriend will want you to paint a very vivid picture of what you did with this other guy, and it will be your job to do a quick black and white sketch. The less he knows here, the better.

Giving up every last detail of where you were, what you did, and how often you saw this other guy is only going to hurt your boyfriend. He'll burn this information into his mind, and picture it in his head. Years down the road, whether you get back together with him or not, he's going to remember everything that you said happened. Every motel, every meeting, every sexual misdeed. The less you tell him, the better off you'll both be. In an effort to keep things vague, it's okay to lie about the details... just don't lie about the affair itself.

Move Slowly, and Allow Your Boyfriend To Come To You

Eventually, your boyfriend will want to see you again. He'll miss being with you, and he'll miss having you in his life. If you've done the right thing by staying silent and removing yourself from the situation, he'll eventually come around. And when he does, you need to be both receptive to him and on your best behavior.

Get Exboyfriend Back

Don't push yourself back on your boyfriend, thinking that you can physically make things up to him. Even though you both long for that type of contact, he needs to be ready to accept you back that way. You've betrayed him on physical levels, and he wants to trust you again. He needs to move at his own pace, though. The first time you have sex again should be his idea, not yours.

There's no way you can make up the fact that you cheated on your boyfriend to him. However, you can gently turn his chin in the direction of your future together. Steer clear of anything to do with the affair, and concentrate on creating new memories with him. Go somewhere together - someplace new - and spend some time alone. Getting away can really help bond you again, and put the memories of the cheating behind him.

Getting Your Boyfriend To Wipe The Slate Clean

After winning him back, any future you have together will be shaky at best. You'll need to strengthen it by building trust, reinforcing love, and by getting your boyfriend to give your new romance a clean slate.

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